I 'Heart' Adoption
photos & story by Linds Sanders
“I always knew I wanted to adopt,”
Mallery-Pettit, grown up at age 27, stands in a refurnished kitchen in Plains, Mont. while her son, Canaan Tegegne Mallery-Pettit, bulldozes through the kitchen with a bright yellow truck. Her house is conveniently next-door to her mother, allowing them to take turns caring for Canaan while his father, Seth, was away serving his country.
Mandy met her husband, Seth Pettit, in college when they traveled their senior year to Kenya to teach English at an International school. After just two weeks of living in Africa, he shared her dream of adopting.
Ethiopia had the most lenient policies for adopting out of Africa, meaning their baby would cost $20,000 and needed approval in court by all existing biological family. They were required to travel to Ethiopia to pick up their son, have a bedroom ready, be over 25 years of age, verify a net worth greater than the cost and be approved by homestead. A homestead representative came to their home asking questions: what morals they would instill in their child, how were they raised, how would they discipline their child, and how will they address cultural differences.
After months of preparation they were approved.
The next step was raising money. “I feel closer with my family that helped us afford Canaan,” said Mallery-Pettit. Her cousins sent in 10 percent of every paycheck. Roger and Starla hosted three garage sales. Mallery-Pettit’s grandmother, Donna Mallery, baked apple pies for several bake sales. Her pies are legendary in Plains, selling for $50 to $100.
The support of the family totaled $4,000. The remaining $16,000 trickled in through savings, the church and new incomes. Mandy took on a second job on top of finishing her Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy from Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia. Seth Petit was working a full-time job as football coach and librarian at Plains High School. Starla Mallery began working a second job helping at the Plains Alliance Church, which even donated its Sunday tithe several times. But they were still a few thousand short. They continued fundraising.
At the Plains Fair, the Mallery family sold shirts and teddy bears reading “I ‘heart’ Adoption.” They sold enough to reach their goal. The motto was painted in a mural on Canaan’s wall.
In April of 2009, the couple left for Ethiopia with her parents and her brother Brian to pick up their son.
“There were so many little babies, it was heartbreaking,” said Starla. The adoption agency housed 40 children, all under a year old.
Mallery-Pettit had not seen a picture of Canaan since he was three months old. Parents could view pictures of their child online. However, with the amount of children to care for, nurses are fortunate to get one picture posted. By the time the process of adoption is completed for each child, months have passed and families no longer know the health or appearance of the child. Mandy spent two days in the orphanage, taking pictures and posting small blurbs (“two new teeth!”) about each child. The community of adopting parents thanked Mandy profusely, but she felt it was just a mother’s duty.
Three days after picking Canaan up from the adoption agency the new family was at a street market in Ethiopia where they encountered one of Canaan’s caretakers. She had raised him for the first eleven months of his young life and was delighted to see him. When the caretaker held her hands out Canaan hugged Mandy tightly, beckoning to stay with his new mother. Mallery-Pettit never let him go.
In September, dad deployed with the 1-163rd Calvary for further training in Mississippi.
He held Canaan for the hour before the plane arrived, gently tossing him in the air, kissing his cheeks, and showing Canaan his 8-pound M16A2 rifle. Canaan’s small hand, so new it barely had creases in the palm, patted the hard metal.
“I felt relieved the day was finally here,” said Mallery-Pettit. The married couple, with their new son, had taken a second honeymoon to the San Juan Islands the week before his departure. Dreading this September morning took energy. The Mallery family cheered with 150 other families as the soldiers boarded the plane. “I was so sad to go home by myself.” She will be a single mother for 18 months.
Mallery-Pettit and Canaan talked to Seth Petiti four times over Skype during his six-week training period. At bedtime each night Canaan watched a video of him reading books. He pointed at the screen and exclaimed “Daddy!” Canaan, Mallery-Pettit and her parents visited Seth for four days in New Orleans before he left for Iraq. During that time they celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Mallery-Pettit hopes to concentrate her counseling practice on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder patients. She is learning a great deal now from her two favorite clients who are war veterans. She feels prepared for what personality changes Seth might undergo from his service, but remains optimistic that he will return the same man he left.
A project by the University of Montana School of Journalism